Boulder couple pens ‘The 80/80 Marriage,’ a information to creating ‘radical generosity’ contagious – Boulder Each day Digital camera
Nate Klemp and Kaley Klemp first raced in their senior year at Boulder High in 1997 – no less in chemistry class. Now, after 15 years of marriage, the couple are preparing to jointly publish their first book on Tuesday, “The 80/80 Marriage: A New Model for a Happier, Stronger Relationship,” published by Penguin Random House.
Boulder locals, married couple Nate and Kaley Klemp, authored a book called “The 80/80 Marriage: A New Model for a Happier, Stronger Marriage,” which will be released Tuesday by Penguin Random House. The couple will appear on Good Morning America on Monday. (Cliff Grassmick / employee photographer)
In preparation for creating the transformative guide to help couples cultivate greater connection and intimacy in the modern world, the Klemps went straight to the source. By holding numerous meetings with couples of all ages and backgrounds, they were able to uncover various points of tension and develop solutions to resolve and avoid clashes.
“Interviewing over 100 people was an amazing experience,” said Nate Klemp, who holds a PhD in philosophy, former professor of philosophy and founding partner at Mindful. “It was fascinating to see the variety of different types of relationships. With every interview we felt like we were entering a new world of marriage. Some were harmonious. Some were associated with constant conflict. Some focused on wealth creation. Some were geared towards adventure, fun, or creativity. “
Speaking to couples, the Klemps noted some of the cons and falsehoods of social media that coincide with those of others who compare their own relationships with the filtered snippets in the feed.
“We learned that despite all of the gorgeous photos of couples having the best time of their lives on Facebook and Instagram, every couple struggles and struggles,” said Nate Klemp. “A lot of people said to me, ‘Just knowing that others are not perfect makes the fight easier.'”
Before it was released, “The 80/80 Marriage” was already highly praised by experts, writers and critics.
AJ Jacobs, author of The Year of Biblical Life, writes: “This book will be extremely helpful to anyone but divorce lawyers. It’s full of in-depth insights into transforming your relationship. “
During the research, the Klemps repeatedly saw the topic of the equality interface.
“We found that most couples experience some form of conflict over fairness, who tries harder, who cares more, who does more,” said Nate Klemp. “This conflict over 50/50 fairness seems to be the relationship challenge of our generation and has inspired us to create an alternative model of marriage in the book.”
On Monday the Klemps will appear on Good Morning America to discuss the project.
“We are very excited to bring these ideas to a national audience,” said Kaley Klemp, executive coach, TEDx spokesperson and best-selling author. “Although we haven’t got the questions yet, I can imagine that the audience can expect a foretaste of ’80 / 80 ‘and a fun chat with the hosts.”
While the concept for the book was being worked out before the lockdown, it came to an end on its completion when restrictions went into effect – giving The Klemps the perfect opportunity to practice some of the practices covered in the book during their own grueling time of marriage.
“Ironically, we wrote most of the book before the pandemic,” said Nate Klemp. “Yet the hardest part of writing, the time during our most recent revisions, happened during the first two months of the COVID-19 pandemic. It turned out that this was the perfect print test for these ideas. There we were, writing day and night while our daughter went to school from home, and the world seemed to be falling apart. It was both a test of our marriage and the conceptual framework of the book. “
The stress of a global health crisis, a major shift in routine, and additional responsibilities add to the factors that exacerbate relationship problems.
“What we hear from other couples is that the experience of COVID-19 has compounded the latent pressures and conflicts that have always been there,” said Nate Klemp. “This amplification effect means that these pressures now often occur in an even more extreme form. The couple who used to fight over who should do more for childcare are likely having the same battle. Only now, with no babysitting, after-school activities, and maybe even the school itself, is the level of childcare and intensity of this struggle far more extreme. “
In the book, the Klemps deal with breaking the point-scoring habit – a routine that so many couples naturally slip into.
“We often take an unconscious mental record of our contributions and our partner’s failure to contribute without even knowing that we are doing so,” said Nate Klemp. “Once you become aware of this tendency, it can be helpful to shift the spirit of your contributions in marriage to what we call ‘radical generosity.’ This is the idea of doing the dishes, not because “it’s your turn” or “your partner doesn’t seem to get through”, but as a gift to your partnership. “
The updated model deviates from the traditional half and half standard and presents a variant in which each partner gives 80% to build a stronger union.
“We have found that a person who makes this shift to radical generosity becomes contagious,” said Nate Klemp. “It creates a kind of upward spiral in the relationship where one radically generous act leads to the radically generous acts of the other person, and so on.”
Readers who wish to take the experience to another level are encouraged to take advantage of retreats. While these online offerings don’t offer massages and sunset views like a goal-oriented one, they do offer an all-day agenda, step-by-step how-to videos, and lifetime access to all materials.
“We designed this retreat to delve deeper into the practice of radical generosity and mutual success,” said Nate Klemp. “We also designed it so that we know that most people will not be able to spend a weekend for couples, at least for a short time. In contrast, these on-demand digital retreats give people the opportunity to deepen their connection without ever leaving their homes. “
Retreats range from $ 100 to $ 200, but a 75% discount applies to individuals applying for a scholarship. To make the programming available to everyone, regardless of income, the Klemps are offering a reduced price to those who submit their story through 8080marriage.com
They have also created a free downloadable guide to EPIC Date Night that provides tips for planning during COVID-19.
“The best thing for me was that these ideas became part of the daily and weekly fabric of our relationship,” said Kaley Klemp. “It was also fun to be involved as a joint project and to see how our thinking evolves and improves while we work on ideas together.”
The book, which is available for pre-order now, will be available on the shelves of Barnes and Noble, Books-A-Million and other retailers.
On Tuesday, the Klemps will be participating in a free live stream presented by the Tattered Cover Book Store in Denver.
“I hope readers take away both the inspiration for radical generosity and concrete ideas for shifting their structure to shared success,” said Kaley Klemp.